Articles

---

When people go through difficult experiences, they often do not want to think about them and try to avoid letting their brain go there. This causes the occurrence not to connect adaptively to the rest of the brain. It actually becomes a knotted neuron. People’s mental processes bounce off of these “knots” or get trapped in them like a negative thinking loop. This disturbs the normal flow of cognitive electrical activity in the brain.

These “knots” also cause trauma to get trapped in the nervous system and caught in the body causing physical pain, chronic pain, and auto-immune disorders. The disturbance caused by such trauma also affects the client’s emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. Contributing also to inter-relationship problems, occupational difficulties, sleep disturbances, and so much more.

EMDR quickly processes these “knots” and connects them functionally in the brain. In doing so, the perspective of the memory broadens as the rest of the brain can mediate the once-knotted part. Further, emotion and physical sensations that are trapped within the “knot” are drained out and the little piece of the client that seems to be trapped within the memory returns to the client, leaving them feeling more wholly themselves.

EMDR is rapid and it is only necessary to go through the event once to process it fully. This is different than traditional therapy in many ways. In traditional therapy, clients painfully rehash the details of their trauma over and over throughout a period of time. Slowly they begin to build structure around the “knot” so they can learn to cope with it and learn to live with it. EMDR actually fixes the problem in just a few sessions.

Once a trauma is considered processed, it never becomes disturbing to the client again. Also, addictions begin to fall off, a healthy dream life returns, and clients begin setting boundaries with the people in their lives. This all is secondary to the trauma being adaptively processed.

I am one of the only EMDR trained clinicians in Kelowna. I am passionate about EMDR to the point that it is virtually all I do now. I am also the only therapist in Kelowna using the NeuroTek lightbar that is designed specifically for EMDR and has various methods of bilateral brain stimulation. The other counsellors practicing EMDR in Kelowna use their hand to direct eye-movements, which had been shown by research to be problematic.

I believe all therapy is going this way and I have never seen such rapid changes in client’s lives and wellbeing as that seen with EMDR processing. 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) processes the trauma that is stuck in the whole nervous system, rather than just what is in the mind. Traditional therapy processes trauma verbally and cognitively not emotionally or physically. Fact is, trauma is trapped in the whole nervous system. Some people find a gap between the head and the heart “well I know it in my head but I just can’t apply it”. This gap it bridged using EMDR. You can drain all the trauma out of the nervous system using EMDR. I aim to process one trauma per session. You know if it is not processed yet because it is distressing to think about, or you have physical, including autoimmune, or emotional reactions. Get rid of the pain and trauma using EMDR.

You can only control yourself, on a good day. You cannot control others. Put your energy into what you have control over and start to see some real differences in your life. Rather than trying to control or change others in your life, love them, and control yourself. It might be difficult to control yourself in the face of hard circumstances but that is the best you can do. Act out of love, remain calm and patient and watch your world change. All we can do is love each other and control ourselves, on a good day.

We compare ourselves to others so often that we are usually not even aware that it is so ingrained in our thinking. Rather than ranking everybody, lets do our best and trust that others are too. We are all on different paths with different struggles. When we compare ourselves to others we either judge them as less than or we judge ourselves as less than. This leads to either feelings of failure and inadequacy, or pride and criticism. If we do our best we will continue to improve and be able to encourage others rather than inflate ourselves by bringing others down. Rather than judging and comparing lets encourage, love, and accept ourselves and others.

More important that “what” we fight about is “how” we fight. Sixty-seven percent of issues are perpetual problems that will never be resolved. Learning to fight fair and respectfully will create a loving environment in which communication and discussion is encouraged and growth and understanding are fostered. The #1 thing women can do is soften their start-up. A gentle approach is much more conducive to opening conversation than a harsh start-up. The #1 thing a man can do is accept influence from his partner, no you don’t know everything. Building a 5:1 ratio of positives to negatives even during conflict is crucial and eliminating the “Four Horsemen” from your interaction will dramatically reduce the probability of divorce.

Anger, frustration, and anxiety, can be helpful, but if they get in the way of your best life, they become unhelpful. They are a product of unhelpful thinking, which leads to unhelpful feelings and behaviours. Some things we can change and others are not in our control. Learning to accept ourselves, others and life unconditionally will minimize our anger and frustration. Learn and practice acceptance rather than being critical and judgemental. Sometimes, you will let yourself down, sometimes others and even life will let you down, don’t let it ruin your day:)

When an affair occurs it marks the end of the relationship as we know it. This being said, a new, possibly stronger, relationship can develop in its place. The couple can never go back to the relationship they once knew. If they choose to move forward they can create a new relationship together. It is difficult to move past betrayal and is only done with great effort. The betrayal cannot be swept under the rug and you can only move past it once it is in the open and has been properly dealt with. The person who feels betrayed must feel as though their feelings are completely understood before they are ready to move on and build anew.

At Hard Knox we work towards healing and wellness of all aspects of life, mind, body, and soul, as well as relationship to self, others, and the world.  

Even if we knew every language and used all the words, hand gestures, and facial expressions possible, we would still misunderstand one another. Therefore, it is so important to do what we can to understand and be understood. So try to say what you mean and mean what you say, especially the things that are hard to talk about. One effective tool while communicating, especially during a disagreement, is to try to understand before trying to be understood. Often two people will be trying to get their own point across, yelling over one another, neither being heard. Once a person feels understood, suddenly they will be open to understanding the other. Open the door of communication and try understanding first. Hint: ask questions until you really get where they are coming from.